i feel sad looking at photos when i wasn't that fat.

Blogged @ 11:44:00 AM




just a moment ago, i had so much to say.
but now my mind becomes partially blank all of a sudden.

hmmm...
it feels good to stay at home doing my own things since yesterday. :) it's such a great relief from all the hectic days of exams. yesterday, i did nothing but read the storybook i borrowed on monday, watched Up on my new netbook (yesss i got one finally :D asus eee pc!), facebooked.. eat... eat.. OH and worked out!!! finally.

apparently i'm fat, i guess. or maybe just boncet, and have flabby arms, and chubby cheeks and double chin... so that means fat right? and so i need to work out and lose those bits, God knows how. GOSH i'm so pressurised okay! when am i gonna learn to love my body?! YOU tell me? pfft. i worked out TWICE yesterday. damn i felt good but sucks huh that the effect isn't immediate and is has to be continuous and i have a disease called laziness.

monday monday monday. i woke up so early because someone made me jog with him, and in the end the stadium was closed. ended up eating macdonalds with his dearest sister and had some silent reading time with them. i swear, in my whole life, i have never done that in the library before. silent reading. okay fine, the last time was probably during primary school la. walked around causeway point after that and i was daaamnnnn sleepy, so i went home first to sleep before leaving for dinner at sakura international buffet with helmi, farah, aisyah, faiz and fahizul. :) :) :) fatness enhanced, woo!


hmm the weekends went really well too. argh ive so much to say! let's start with friday!

went to marina barrage with the nus people to celebrate luqman's and shikeen's birthday :D food was great, everyone was high, it rained but it didn't matter cos we had fun anyways. went to lau pa sat with farah, tasha, aisyah, shikeen, farid, fahizul and hafiz after that for supper. thanks aisyah for satay!! :D my tummy wasn't behaving so i had to leave early, went home with shikeen.



saturday, went to marina barrage again with MASH, fadly, syahril, azahar and fahizul to celebrate azahar's birthday. i think the surprise went really well :) cheesecake was awesome, food was superawesome but i had to leave early cos my baby was back! hehehe. met him at novena square cos i needed to buy tickets, and boy has he shrunk. (hence the need for me to shed these pounds, got it? -.-) went to far east after that for prayers and also dinner at cahaya where we met farah and aisyah! so we ate dinner together. hehe. walked around 313 somerset but crowd was giving me headache, and i didn't have the mood, so we left after syg bought a couple of stuff from uniqlo for awesome prices. :)




sunday! ermmm...... oh right. went to beach road with syg so he can get his jcc badge sewed on! hehe. met haziq and aqidah and went to have lunch at banquet, desserts at coffee bean where ruzaini joined us later. sorry for the "oi! happy birthday!" when i gave the cake :p cos member bile bebual tak ingat dunia. anyhows, watched Ninja Assassin after that at Iluma, oh boy was it gory. after that.. OHH, had dinner with syg's family. :) :)

i think today's post's a mess. well apparently i'm the anything-goes girl and someone else is always the prim and proper one.

i'm sorry i might have sounded a little sarcastic. just needed to let it out. and i hope you're over the "brunei blues" cos i really miss you so.

Blogged @ 3:22:00 PM




do you know how sucky it is to hear the phone ring but actually it was just someone playing a prank?
do you know how sucky it is to see you online but it's actually not you?
do you know how sucky it is to ruin a surprise?
do you know how sucky it is to have exams and not being prepared for it?
do you know how sucky it is to not not know when's the next time i can see you again?
do you know how sucky it is to feel like shit?
do you know how sucky it is to suppress this inner emotions and try to be happy all the time?
do you know how sucky it is to feel fat?
do you know how sucky it is to wait even though we should all be patient?
do you know how sucky it is to look at other people being happy and having fun but you just can't, not yet at least?
do you know how sucky it is having this angst inside me boiling?

ok i run out of sucky things to say.
but phew sure feels good.
if anyone of you is feeling the same way i do, we're on the same boat.
i'm sure there are more sucky things out there, but how can we ever run away from being less thankful than we all should?
we are only human after all.

i can't contain the excitement of post exam activities!

4/12 - picnic with nus friends.
5/12 - night cycling i think? and another outing.
6/12 - SOMEONE'S COMING HOME, hopefully. (yeah sucky that it's always not confirmed)
7/12 - if that someone's out perhaps i can meet him, but i shouldn't hope, really.
11-13/12 - batam
15-17/12 - KL
2/1 - my birthday (haha i know, tak perlu)
5/1 - someone's going taiwan.

that's the story so far.
hmmm the holiday seems short. :/
fine fine at least there're holidays, why am i so unappreciative?

Blogged @ 8:17:00 PM




!@"£%^%^~#
i dont even know where to freakin start for ms1102e!
my notes are in a mess and how come the readings dont tally with the lecture notes?!!!!!!!
I AM SO ANGRY AT YOU MS1102E, VERY VERY ANGRY!

Blogged @ 1:25:00 PM





arghh nafsu shopping.
i'm chatting with ruzaini now and i realised i need soooooooo many things.
i need oxford heels, skinny jeans, blazer, studded pumps and sandals.. just to name a few.

my birthday is on the 2nd of january.

love youuuuu people, whoever's reading.
bye.
hahaha

Blogged @ 1:28:00 PM







Blogged @ 12:00:00 AM







All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

(Ohhhh) can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby said
it stays on my mind
And I, and I, I’m officially

All I do is lay around
Two ears full tears
From looking at your face on the wall ( face on the wall)
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
i don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess its safe to say babe safe to say
that I'm, I'm officially missing you

(Ohhhh) can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby said
it stays on my mind
And I, and I, I’m officially

Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

Its official
You know that I’m missing you
oohhh Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
ooohhh yeah
And I’m officially missing you



i've never felt this strong before. thank you God for the strength.
now, i just need to press on some more for the next 8 days. okay, 5 days till the misery of exams is over. somehow, i like the idea of having 2 papers in one day. makes life pretty easy cos i don't have to travel back and forth so much. but, the mad rush of having to finish studying is there.

south asian studies and malay studies, do me some justice can? can i smoke through you two? grrr.

tomorrow's the dear boy's birthday. can't wait till he comes back then i can give him his present which i've been keeping for soooo damn long. so poor thing. birthday in the jungle. ):

Blogged @ 12:31:00 PM




ahh i suck.
why can't i take this seriously?
all i studied the whole of today is about the Vedic religion thingy. and a little bit of Classical Hindu Tradition. pffft so much for finishing up culture and religion today, politics and then economic developments on sat and sun. pffft pffft pffffttttttt!~^$%#$!

i'm going to the doctor tomorrow if i can wake up.
i hope there's nothing wrong with me ):

Blogged @ 12:26:00 AM




it was one year ago that we confessed.
exactly one year, but not at 7.55pm. probably later in the night.
haha. but i can't wish him cos he's in the jungle.

i met hayati just now <3<3<3
:D
so nice to catch up and crapped.
remember our plans ah, lepas kahwin what we're gonna do for ladies' night out.
hehehe.

such coincidence that today, i was supposed to go to school to study with nasuha and haikal, but i was sooo drained out from yesterday's papers, i decided not to go out. hayati texted me and i thought ughh i couldn't study at that time so might as well go out. i met her, and on the way there, amelia texted me to ask if i was free cos she needed transport urgently but sorry babe, i can't drive on my own. at eighteenth chef where hayati and i ate, we saw syafiqah and she said she misses ruzaini, who just texted me that he was in the ambulance which was moving at 50km/h, sending a patient to CGH. hahaha. today involved sooo many people. today is 25th november.

25th november is probably a significantly happy day.
2 years ago, i checked my blog's archives, i went shopping. that's a happy day too!

JS paper tomorrow.
i haven't finished studying.
die.
bye.

Blogged @ 7:54:00 PM




it's a satrday without u, and tomorrow's a snday.
:(
for three weeks.

i don't understand myself. at some point i'd be so happy and less bothered about the absence but at some other time, i'm just so depressed that i hate myself.

first and second papers on this tuesday! woo! can't wait.
really. because the more papers i finished, the faster it is time flies till you're back again.
as of today, it's 15 days till the 6th of december.

happy mugging, muggers!
and those of you who are done with exams.. er.. good for you. :)

bahhh. i hate european history.
and i totally made a mistake while choosing my exposure modules. now, i've to do one more in semesters to come. and i thought i could be contented with no more exp modules.

Blogged @ 12:06:00 PM




everything reminds me of you.
are you my everything?

Blogged @ 8:26:00 PM




a sociological entry (HAHA)

is gaining excessive weight an act of deviance? the society focuses so much on having a healthy lifestyle that it encompasses the minds to think that "being fat" or gaining a few kilos to make one seem bigger than usual, is a form of a deviant act because it deviates from how the norm is supposed to be. Being normal in this sense is to have an ideal body, being healthy with the right BMI. If gaining weight itself is already quite worrying for one, gaining excessive weight would be a greater worry as it deviates greatly from the norm.

Using a functionalist perspective, gaining weight has its function that would help the society greatly. It promotes healthy living because as one realises the need to lose weight, he/she would be highly motivated to exercise and eat healthy - lead a healthy lifestyle. Ergo, in this sense, "gaining weight" is a "blessing in disguise" because if one does not feel fat, he/she would continue to eat and not exercise, perhaps, as regularly as he/she should.

However, a conflict theory would argue that since these people who have "gained weight" are already being labelled as not skinny or "unhealthy" by the media (directly and indirectly), they find less greater need to actually flush out the unhealthiness in them, and hence they continue to behave that way causing them to deviate greater.

Then again, if this breaking of the norm BECOMES a norm, can it still be called an act of deviance?




HEEHEE. i have been studying y'all! but only for one particular module: SC1101E. so fun ah. so fun that i dont feel like studying other subjects (read European history) >:(
anyway that thing i wrote above is not an official question la, but i suddenly thought of it when i came back from jogging just now cos well, i realised i finally FINALLY jogged when i feel EXTREMELY FAT AND BLUBBERISH. gaahh...

and i miss my dearest helmo. :( so much.
yesterday on the bus, a stupid person's phone rang, "LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA, ELMO'S WORLD..." grrr.
then in the library, there was a lovey dovey couple that made me highly jealous can
but Tasha convinced me that there's nothing to be jealous of PRC couple. i secretly feel they're local. BUT THEY'RE STILL A LOVEY DOVEY COUPLE. bah.


i'm smelly. wanna eat instant kimchi noodles. so much for jogging. DEVIANCE. WAHAHA. bye!

Blogged @ 10:17:00 AM





goodbye my lover.
hear from you again in 3 weeks time.
in the meantime, i shall bury myself in the studying materials and score my desired grades for the exams!
the content of the card was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes, not that everyone's not used to that already.
i shall pray for your safety and well being always. <3




Blogged @ 1:36:00 PM







Blogged @ 11:44:00 PM




bahhhhh i'm gonna let this out!
it's not that easy to suppress sadness for one whole freakin week!
after brushing away stupid misery for one whole week, i'm gonna let it out now. well, not everything, but the main thing that makes me freakingly annoyed for this one whole miserable day.

do you know how it feels like to be lousy? lousiness that can be avoided.
okay, i have my driving license right? i have a family car right?
but one annoying thing is, i'm always not allowed to drive because apparently i am not ready.
how ready do you want me to be? how can i ever be ready if you never even let me drive beyond the neighbourhood? i'm sorry, but YOU ARE SO UNREASONABLE. THIS IS SO UNFAIR. i might as well don't take my driving license yet and wait till i can afford to buy my own car cos you don't let me drive! it's unfair because ALL my friends with license can drive, like properly drive. while i am still suffering miserably in silence. i am still under-exposed. i become less confident because of you! why can't you be more encouraging like other people?????? i don't even know if i will ever succeed in anything cos you're always so not supportive about almost everything that i do. as much as you are my dad, i loathe your behaviour sometimes. gah.

eff this. i'm so emotionally wrecked today. my eyes are so tired of crying. i blame you for my moodless day today. UGH. @!#$%#^$*%#@%$@~@$@#$%#%!~&*(&(%^^##%%^*#$&!#

Blogged @ 8:04:00 PM